Jan 13
th I found
myself standing in my corral waiting for the start of the Walt Disney World
Marathon.
I was excited to see
26.2 miles of Disney. As I stood there soaking up all of the adrenaline the age
old runners question popped into my head.
When can I call myself a runner? Certainly I can call myself a “runner”
since I successfully completed 5 marathons and many half marathons as
well.
But, it is really not that easy a
term to accept or question to answer, since it is very individual. If you are
like me you stand in your corral waiting and you can't help but think about the
journey that got you there to this moment. You start to think about all of the
things you gave up, all of the aches and pains you endured, and the seemingly
endless miles from which you emerged victorious, as you have arrived to this
moment - this starting line. Before you know it, the national anthem is over,
and you are crossing the starting line. You find that the initial miles are
painless as the adrenaline courses though you, but as the miles stack up, your
thoughts become laser focused on the most minuscule of things, usually minor
discomfort issues.
As the adrenaline
wears off, those minor discomforts can turn into mountains, and even though the
finish line gets closer, it seems so far, perhaps even out of reach. You start
doing crazy things like instead of miles left you calculate in minutes how much
is left, why?
It does not matter 6 miles
left or 60 minutes.
What is the
difference?
It is funny how the brain
works. Before you know it you are halfway there. You keep telling yourself that
you need to maintain your pace. You tell yourself to stay focused and to
breathe - you are pushing your body to the limits. This is the point of the
race where you start to fight with yourself internally. Your mind is trying to
discover some unknown excuse that will make it ok to quit. Your body is
screaming at you to slow down to recover. You fight with your inner self. Every
little irritant is now magnified by a thousand it seems. Now is the precise
moment for which you have been training for. Is this what makes me a runner?
You have not just been training just to run,
you have been training to beat your own thoughts and feelings, and after all
you are your own worst enemy. By now your legs feel the miles pounding away at
them, chipping away at your energy. Your feet feel achy as you turn them over,
one step in front of the other. You feel sluggish as each mile is a repeat of
this battle. Then as you think that you cannot feel any worse, legs tired, body
crumbling you look up and finally see what you have been training for.......the
finish line, here is where even at your worst physical state, your mental state
helps you overcome that last stretch.
It’s
funny how when people throw up, it’s after the finish line, and not before.
I made it to the finish line
twice the weekend of January 12th, and 13th. These two races were very different
for me. Because this time with 1/10th of a mile to go, for just a moment each
time I thought that I really don't want to cross that finish line.
Sounds crazy I know, not because I just
wanted to keep going, but because that means the race over. Like with any race,
each finish came with a massive relief that I completed it, and the relief that
I could finally stop running. With each race I got my finishers medals, and
both times headed to out of the finishers area to feel the pride. As I stood
there and looked around, I could not help but think. Are we all nuts?
I am sure many of those people running that
weekend were thinking never again will I do this....EVER!
It's quite humorous, to see people limping and
stumbling around in weakness smiling and laughing.
It is funny but, humbling at the same time.
For some of us the days
following a finish start to feel “normal” again. You enjoy reconnecting with
friends and family. You get back to all of the things you put off.
And as the days go by that awesome sense of
accomplishment starts to wear off, and fade into the distance. For those who
said never again, we feel the emotions and the memories slipping away, almost
like it were something we dreamed. The race and training become a distant memory
for some, as they stay true to their word “never again….EVER!”
But then there are those of us who feel like
you need purpose or perhaps even feel depressed after this glory has gone.
To me this is the birth of a
runner. This is where ‘runner status” begins for many. For me I can honestly
say this revelation did not hit me until these last races. What I now realize
is that I need running. The journey that got me to the start line of that first
race never ended, and I don’t want my journey to end with each race. When I
stepped over the finish line these last times and met my wife, and received my finisher’s
medal, I realized something. I realized that I was not finished. I guess to me
each race is a journey, and every journey is different. You meet new people
along the way. You find out things about yourself you may not have known, like
just how tough or weak you can be at the same time. You find out which friends
will support you, and those who do not. You never know what challenges await
you, physical or mental, lately for me it has been the Sunday morning blues
"it's 20° out and it is nice and warm here in this bed".
When can I call myself a runner?
I read it and hear it all too often.
I
guess it really depends on the individual, but for me it was the moment I
realized my journey was not over and I was not finished. Next up……First Midwest
Bank Southwest Half Marathon May 5
th, 2013, then on to the Green Bay
Marathon May 19
th.
Happy running
everyone.
